i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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