Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
