I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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