So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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