She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
