We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
