just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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