I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
