i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You can't just leave with hair like that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
