so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
