I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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