we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
