She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
