You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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