nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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