bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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