I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
