His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
