Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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