i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
