im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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