I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
