well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
