She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
