There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
