I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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