i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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