Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
