I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
