Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize