is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
