Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
