I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
