I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
