Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
