I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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