I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
