I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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