I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
