oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
