Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
