I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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