the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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