im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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