I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
