and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
pop tarts are not kleenex
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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