My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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