Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
