note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
