Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
