Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize